remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
