for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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