i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
