Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He? As in you personified your dick?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
