So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
