walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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