whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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