In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She's the barista slut.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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