I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
There are leaves in my underwear?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
