he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
