my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
