Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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