wrigley field is MILF paradise
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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