He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize