I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
