We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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