So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
