Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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