you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
