i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
