yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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