I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
