I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
