it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
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