I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
