I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize