Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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