sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
