my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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