all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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