when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
