Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Dicks are not precious.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
