hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
