he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
pray to the hookup gods
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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