It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Dignity is for republicans.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
