he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
