I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
