Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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