This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
