I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
pop tarts are not kleenex
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
