My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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