If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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