I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
