so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
