thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
