Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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