Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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