if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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