I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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