I faked an abortion last night.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Randomize
