small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
