Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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