I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
