I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
two words...techno handjob
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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