i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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