My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Is Oprah even human
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
