I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
