Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
