Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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