I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
