I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
