Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
