God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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