is wine microwaveable?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize