She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
