i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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