Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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