I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
