it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
