On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
and you fell through a lawn chair
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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