Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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